6

take a deep breath. this is
a six-year plunge, this is
star-struck and stupid, this is
the color of cowardice.

save your breath. this is
a vote for ignorance, this is
a concession to deceit, this is
the color of corpses.

hold your breath. may there be
air at the seventh, but this is
star-struck and stupid, this is
yellow.


2010.may.11

the brink

am i possible
rising into your world
inspiring new contradictions
saving you from boredom
bystander to your stardom;
could i be possible?
skimming across your horizon
moving with your motions
eye to eye with your demons;
make me possible
immortal in your memory
saving you to save me.


2010.mar.12

the ankh and the eye of horus

some time after the end of the worlds,
i imagine i will be alone at the last station of the universe,
watching the broken road ahead and waiting for you.

i imagine light to have started failing by then,
its senile luminescence defiantly in denial,
at times it will seem to recover but only slightly,
as if dreaming of echoes of the old days,
but we will not be fooled, you and i.

gravity will be an afterthought by then,
i imagine pieces of the face of this earth
holding on, onto dead roots of forgotten trees,
locked onto a quiet battle with bloated moons
and their mad craters beckoning.

some time earlier, the last of living things
would have been with me and waiting, and one by one
they would have went away with you to your castle.
at some point, i imagine your dark, gentle eyes found mine,
but it's as if you knew of my heart's desire,
that i would like to be last to know your embrace.
it's as if you always knew, and with the slightest nod
your quiet procession came away with someone else,
and you would have obliged me and left me for last.

i imagine you to smile, when you return
and find me by my lonesome.
i imagine your lips taking its time stretching out
its dark gloss across your pale face, softly.

i imagine you to say my true name,
and it's as if you have never spoken my name before,
yet have always known it from the beginning,
and from the beginning you have been dreaming forever
to let its handful syllables make love to your tongue,
and other parts of your mouth, their sound exploding
in a climax in your ears, and in the echoes,
of this empty shell of a universe around us.

by now, i imagine us wedging the smallest of eternities between
each moment and the next, as we savor this, you and i.

an eternity between you reaching out for me,
and my hands finding yours,
a subsequent eternity for each of my fingertips
to tap your nightsky-painted fingernails.

an eternity between our palms pressing,
and my breast resting upon yours.

eternities between each of my last breaths
and each of my last heartbeats finding a home in your memories.

i imagine us, and the worlds, the universe, falling forward,
getting smaller by small eternities,
melding us into one dust speck into your black garments,
melting us further from the dying light.

and, out of the blackness that is you and i and everything,
i can almost feel an italicized "fin",
in all of its Latin arrogance and white omnipotency,
unravel out of my back

like angel wings.



2010.jan.12

the circles

did you see me
by the side of the road
when you passed through
the forest
the other day?
if you did, i hope you did
not greet me,
even if you knew me from
another time.

i hope you did
not offer me your water
even if i looked
parched and
weary.

did you smile, did you wait for me, even if i spoke sparingly?

did you walk with me until
the day wore down,
until you realized we were
walking through the same
places
in circles,
until you turned to ask
me about it, and
you peered into the darkness,
and I wasn't
there?

i hope you stayed away, tell me
that you didn't give me
water if you saw me by the side of
the road in the forest of
our youth, in a time when i
looked as if i needed
you,

in a time when,
when
it
looked like me.


2009.feb.06

ojou

you weren't smiling yet
when the stars fell from the heavens,
but the mere chance that you would,
rivaled the grandeur of cosmic death,
and you must know this:
it was most painful.

see, it was not hard to fall for you
for what you could be and not what you were.
for instance, i could fall again
for merely the dream of my hand swimming
in the gold of your hair.
for the thought of my knees buckling
under the hold of your stare.

say, what were you thinking
when the stars fell off the heavens,
their rocky skin smoldering
against the unseen walls of the earth,
did you fear you were like them?

did you think your smile would be
the most beautiful meteor shower:
most beautiful but effervescent,
most breathtaking but evanescent,
worth falling for, but fleeting,
everything but eternal?

see, if you did,
then you must know this:
you were wrong, dead wrong.


2009.jan.14

constrictors

the boredom sinks into my veins like vines
out of the jungles of the Amazon:
relentless and consuming.

the ideas warp themselves into my head
like new cars left alone on a highway,
ungoverned and caught
in an eternal acceleration.

the rules will have to be devised
around the body of this world
in my head,
and that is the only way to save it.

yet, it cannot be done
without breaking the laws of man's limits.

for this, i am, sorry, love,
i cannot build a world for you
in less than a day.

damn this shell we live in.
this shell we drive to work and
to minute points of happiness.

the ideas warp out of my head as hunger coils
around me like constrictors
out of the mortal world:
selfish and limiting and consuming.


2008.sep.24

evanescent mirth

If I can bring you back, that will be tempting.
Yet, I must -- I shall resist
   for my needing you is selfish.
Your return is yours to inspire and mine
to fulfill --
Not yours to make sure of --
Not mine to weave in magic.

I yearn to be with you
   but that is evanescent mirth.
I'll think I'll take care of you, you'll end up
my shelter instead.

If I can touch you now I'd rather it be the last.
I shall not forget you
   but I need to -- I will let you rest.

I'll let your smile be yours,
I'll let your innocence be eternal.
My wish is to become you
Much like you became me.

2001.nov