evanescent mirth

If I can bring you back, that will be tempting.
Yet, I must -- I shall resist
   for my needing you is selfish.
Your return is yours to inspire and mine
to fulfill --
Not yours to make sure of --
Not mine to weave in magic.

I yearn to be with you
   but that is evanescent mirth.
I'll think I'll take care of you, you'll end up
my shelter instead.

If I can touch you now I'd rather it be the last.
I shall not forget you
   but I need to -- I will let you rest.

I'll let your smile be yours,
I'll let your innocence be eternal.
My wish is to become you
Much like you became me.

2001.nov

dead pulse

behold
fireworks where
my timid light
should be

a glaring sun
where our gentle moon
should be
hanging

i need you to
remember me

i am still there
where we buried me
still but merely
sleeping

i should be
dead, i am
still but merely
sleeping

behold,
us where
our timid selves
were hesitant but
smiling

indecisive but
smiling

2008.sep.19

lightningale

If ever you sang,
Your song must be my resurrection
That streak of light scarring
the darkness of my soul for a moment;
That distant hum in the horizon breaking
the quiet,
the years when I was dead.

If ever you flew over,
Your wake must be this secret storm
These waves of oceans raging
inside my turbulent soul wanting more;
This hollow feeling of my spirit
driving me after you,
chasing traces of your song in the night sky.

2003.mar.11

quiescent

quiescent, quiescent, i breathed,
ever slowly i wished you were:
quiescent, dead, or dozing,
or other ways where you wouldn't sing,
your stale refrains in the slow,
s l o w ,
torture of me.

silence is magnificent, is good,
i willed for you to know that,
but silence is broken, is raped,
violated when you would sing,
your stale refrains in the slow,
s l o w ,
torture of me.

confinement is good, is magnificent,
were your songs to stay inside your head,
confinement, confinement, i breathed,
ever slowly i wished there was:
some place where you wouldn't sing,
past iron walls and reinforced doors,
your stale refrains in the slow,
s l o w ,
torture of me.

2006.jun.09

farewell to tomorrow

I love the time in between
When we lock our eyes in a stare
And then we lock our lips in a kiss.
It's when the world stands still
And I forget to breathe
Knowing only of the warmth
Of our entangled limbs and bodies.

We chase our runaway breaths
Still in this tight embrace
For a while in a short recess.
And the world moves again
In a monotonous silence.
But I cannot say the words
I can only hold you until this ends.

I love the time in between
Tomorrow and yesterday
For after today I'll see you not again.
I'll miss the time when our embrace
Finally after ages break
For after this there'll be no more
Embraces that will be ever made.

1999.dec.9

the fourth cloud

i so wished to kiss you then,
yet i would kiss you in the way
i would the forbidden of the center of eden:
my lips would brush your cheek
and i would leave no trace
that you might not ever feel it.

and i would leave without a taste
of you in my mouth; unlike eve and adam.
and i would leave without a piece
of you in my soul, my dream-coated lips
would be unsmudged.

as you will remain at the center of this -
seemingly untouched and out of reach.
unsoiled and shiny and smiling at me,
your damp lips unkissed and
red as sin.

2004.nov.5

trance

Shall I gaze with you at far skies of rainbow stripes,
As we lie upon a barren earth for stardrops thirsting;
For I shall want to share these rare moments with you,
Before the dark night reclaims our unresisting bodies.

Shield my eyes from the invading rays of a young dawn,
As I shall want nothing but a clear horizon unglaring;
I move my hand over your waiting palm in my blindness,
Before time wraps its cloak of eternal night about us.

Whisper to you my farewells and let it flow so silent,
As your palm closed around mine in a touch comforting;
I have always known ours was a love surpassing nights,
And for that I smile before the dawn steals you again.

2002.aug.22

when silence was a glib sentence and the void was the high numeral, i started wanting you

come and break me again
like for stoic sands
suffers the tide.

shatter me as a garden,
of brittle soil and forgotten
from godly minds.

spare me but a sentence
in nagging silence,
to my exile.

is it not my night yet,
my lady death,
to earn a smile?

how much distance
this courtship, by chance,
has to go?

2006.nov.24

pinnochio, unborn

Mother, thy womb is wooden.
In the nine months I have been held captive
in this minimally lighted world I have carved
The things I thought I heard you think:

A bird's beak, a melted candle, a tear-stained cloth,
an angel's feather, a banshee's scream, a thunder,
a distant family of mountains, and a passerby's tattoo.

Do not mind the morning pains.
It is perhaps merely my chisel-fingers
recording an unseen world according
to thy thoughts--- and my, the light is flooding
my fortress, it must be
time to meet you.
Motherrrr.

2006.jun.08

tweety

tweety bird, long been flying
little canary tired and sleepy
eyelids and wings feel as heavy
as white snow in a winter's rain.

tweety bird, come down descending
the ground offers a resting place
shelter is far and the day is late
in dreams there may be a ride home.

tweety bird, in silence sleeping
dreaming of granny's soothing ways
and the good canary food lays
waiting for tweety's little bites.

tweety bird, in the night snoring
not alone in the grip of hunger
cannot see much in this nowhere
much less sylvester's silver paws.

tweety bird, in death cries crying
but in nowhere, nobody hears you
in the here, cartoons don't rule
no young to make GP of this for.

tweety bird, violently shaking
yellow feathers in canary blood
and all canary bones shatter loud
tomorrow, tweety bird is catsh**.

2000.dec.14

i journey across your spell

i journey across your spell,
alongside your other lovers,
on a train out of your mind,
on railroads stabbing into
your entire existence:
forgotten sins, forgiven dreams,
favored memories out of previous lives,
your next reincarnations.

the train seats offer comfort,
because you are kind;
the train runs unimpeded
for your mind knows no limit;
we slash through random routes,
because of your indecisiveness;
and we don't stop, because
among these many dreams and loves
and threads woven and threads cut
and cut threads re-woven,
i love you and your other lovers love you
but my love and your other lovers' love
stand--

("passengers," you whispered,
through the train's gentle hum,
a trace of apology.)

--so i love you and your other passengers love you
but this passenger's love and your other passenger's love
stand, unrequited.

2007.oct.17

luna

come and wade with me tonight,
through the mist and the wind,
through oceans of grass and
tides of fireflies,
through the cold and the darkness;

would you defy heaven for me tonight,
would you come out her silver gates,
through the crowd of clouds,
and run with me through my
blindness?

but tonight i fear i run alone;
the bitter taste of raindrops
plague my tongue;

these rainclouds disguised as night,
unpure rain, bane upon the fireflies,
and so tonight i fear you must stay home.

let me just sing you this song of
longing,
of the nights you waded with me
as we chased the dark and slayed
the shadows,
your face full in the sky that felt
so near
that i know i could kiss you...
only if had the courage
to defy the gods.

but tonight i face the darkness alone;
a heaven defied our love.

tonight she would not even grant me
half of you.

2004

human

in the gentle cascade
of unborn time
i pluck some
feathers from her wings
the angel screams
impassive
on a handful i dine

i sit still in the heart
of stillness
but my eyes roam
all corners of the world
i saw her tears scald
her beauty
i saw her dreams seek
refuge from something unseen

i am silent in the heart
of silence
but i hear my own voice
strung with high laughter
in my head
like angry bells
rusted to time and rain
trying its best
to sound like
to resemble something like
human

join me
my brethren
i stand alone in the heart
of solitude
but i have lots to show you
lots to share with you
like angel feathers
angel tears
angels


2007

delta

if,
on a cloudy day,
you find me gone forever,
maybe,
just maybe,
i would have left a trail
for you to follow.
it may guide you through
the deepest caverns,
the deepest oceans,
and
the deepest nights.
it may lead you to
the end of the world.
but i hope it will lead you
to yourself,
because i,
may have left myself to you.
you might have not known that,
but yes,
maybe,
just maybe,
i left
and i left myself in you.

2003.jun.23

black

it is just you and i and a black night.
we fulfill our existence as told perfectly
in pages of my secret, mad chronicles.
and there too is the storm that once gave promise
to lend voices of its hundred winds
to your colorfully angry thoughts,

that is why they race north of here, your thoughts.
that is why silence rages in this black night,
a silence that outscreams the storm and its winds.
we blend with the silence, you and i, perfectly,
in a circle bound by an ancient promise:
but a mere line in my secret, unread chronicles,

we crumble together while the night chronicles
each removed dark piece contaminating thoughts,
outcast black words resurrected from a dead promise,
and there too are the whispers of night
revealed beneath coats of lies that fit them perfectly.
unnoticed they escape and they ride the winds,

and i notice the stillness that follows the winds,
the stillness, the blank pages, of my dark chronicles,
we fall well between the lines, we land perfectly.
here we transcend all mortal thoughts,
untouched neither by storm nor by anger nor by night,
unstained by touch of mortal promise,

it is just you and i and a black night's promise
of a moment of lesser disturbance from winds,
it is just you and i and this black night,
with random dreams from my mad chronicles.
we dissect these dreams for some pure thoughts.
a few pure thoughts can heal us perfectly,

with all the past and masks removed, we kiss perfectly,
this time there is no necessity for mortal promise.
we free your colorfully angry thoughts,
scattered, in places we forsake, by the winds.
forgotten, buried among words of my mad chronicles.
swallowed by the blackness of night,

it is just you and i tearing an old promise with the winds,
just a storm perfectly inking its own secret, mad chonicles.
it is just you and i weaving new thoughts, and one black night.

2003.nov.09

* sestina 1 of 2

mezzoloth

thoughtlessness
let us forget how she feels
do not consider her emotions
there must be another way
some other way
back to the clouds

solace, in a blanket
be the bits of my vengeance
tattered about in hope and benevolence
there must be a hint of decay
stashed away, stashed away
in these killer clouds

plundering thoughts
of a mezzoloth in my head
mezzoloth under my blankets
there must be a secret rage,
a fury aged
fermenting in my clouds

2007.nov.06

slow smoke v1

the loneliness shivers in volumes tonight,
inside us, inside each other warm body,
in a crowded cafe teeming with laughter,
of coffee steam, cigarette smoke,
i spin lazily with all the unholy air,
upwards into the windless night sky,
bringing death to world,
sigh upon sigh.

i fall back to this desecration of the night,
i find you in the center of this lazy storm,
mumbles and cellphone hymns and crass music,
i could feel you unlike the way
i could see you, smell you, hear you, taste you -
none of that - i only feel you
like feeling you is the only thing in the world.

dear, i was loneliness of the unquestionable kind,
where else could one feel ultimately lonely
but in this center of night trashing,
- a one big pretense of un-loneliness -
but then i knew you, and you are the loneliness
i have so longed to know.

and the loneliness heaves a tide of trembles my way,
i sense you in the eye of this techno storm,
i need not see you, hear you, smell you, taste you -
i love you already.

2007.jul.23

moonlace

i will still want you
long after the last rose
lays its last petal down,
when blood red is withered brown,
upon autumn's bosom.

my songs still spin for you,
around a world gone mute
and numbed from all the deaths
and what numbered breaths
that preludes this winter.

my eyes will always know you,
even after the exodus of light,
even when my eyes would only know
tethered memories, failing shadows,
sinking into the middle of me.

2007.jan.04

tifa

Though not always we're close in space,
In time, my days and yours entwine.
And though between our bodies lay miles,
My soul finds home in your arms.

Though the oceans separate us for now
That today we watch not the same sunset,
Let be assured that to the end of this all
My heart rests on thoughts of you.

If you'll only feel the way I feel for you
Then you'll be sad not a moment longer.
For always in bliss I live as I keep you
Close in spirit in each and every moment.

So worry not, for I hold you close to me
Even from afar, even in absence of trysts.
Though seldom we touch in space and time,
My soul converges with yours into one.

2000.feb.12

telly dreams

the television was talking back to me,
wearing keira knightley's face,
in a conversation as open as the ocean.

the damn thing knew of every record,
every moment, in sports history,
then it told me of each newscasters'
most detailed quirks, in a way
like it was talking about weather.

it said that it would give me the best
insider track of the stock market, too,
but only if i would sing a boyband song.
(i did not).

and the night wore on around us,
we toasted on all things good,
i drained my drinks and the television
munched away electrical energy,
as if my salary was an eat-all-you-can buffet.
(it was not).

if the conversation had a destination,
it was nowhere near in sight,
if the conversation was anything,
it was a rainbow, its ends out
of my existence, its meaning far too
deep for my memory, for my sanity,
and if i tried to reach for it,
it would move a day's distance away.

so the only thing that's left to do,
was to ask if it knew of the secrets
of the universe, of the far reaches,
and through keira knightley's lips,
out of a keira knightley pout,
in its best keira knightley voice,
the television said yes.

2007.feb.12

light/shadow

my skin drinks the blood-light of the sunrise,
this liberation from the tyrant night,
yet short-lived the celebrations remain -
for my dream, as all of beautiful dreams,
again with your warmth on crumpled sheets fades;
shattered thoughts race and crowd the waking mind.

what potion quenches the thirst of the mind?
am i mad to love one lost comes sunrise,
to know her face then at day know it fades?
am i not worthy to snare you from night?
madness it must be to love you in dreams,
madder maybe for these thoughts to remain.

yet quests for your ever veiled face remain.
i would know your scent, your touch, by my mind,
i'd know from the lifetimes we walked in dreams.
i've touched you in lands that know no sunrise,
as i've held you in all corners of night;
my witness is the moon that never fades.

whatever has the morning that it fades
the secret tales of moons till none remain?
what ancient war rages between the night
and the morning that claims my awake mind?
the answers still evade me this sunrise,
dawn must laugh as i mourn the death of dreams.

will a tryst outside the borders of dreams
be made before sun into the west fades?
will such defy the curses of sunrise
and with me by morning you will remain?
forgive these day-woven dreams of the mind,
perhaps too desperate i grow for night.

but know that i can't be denied the night.
i rave mad by day but i dream the dreams
of you, of moon in places of the mind.
and whatever love comes the morning fades,
is made stronger where stars reign and remain.
even if it veils your face by sunrise.

know that my mind speaks true until all fades:
on sheets where dreams are lost, you will remain
a face by night, and by day the sunrise.

2004.feb.16

*sestina 2 of 2

thief

stumbling
out of heaven's womb,
stealing past rays
of a leaving day,
i am newborn night
i grasp
hungrily at the sky,
tearing the blue
and exposing you
to the stars.

stealing
over errant waves
of the changing tide,
skimming over the water
and onto the humid air,
and my kiss made her
into a cold breeze.

(if you felt me
pass through you,
i've taken the warmth
out of you too.)

stealing
the crimson off a rose,
leaving it pale
and shivering,
stealing the voice off
a songbird's beak,
i turn to unleash
the blackness that holds you,
the silence that devours you,
as you try to dream.

stealing
between the narrow hallways
of silenced rooms,
over the thin ice
of quietness,
a trip tiptoed between
slumbering songs
waiting to celebrate
the coming day.
i slip past the hunting
lights of angels.

stealing
shade by shade in between
falling curtains
of a new dawn,
stealing across ending
dreams of wakening minds,
i am escaped and
i am gone.

(if you missed me
as i elude your memory,
i've stolen your heart too.)

2006.aug.01

heretic

some nights the stars
worship you more blatantly.
the light of nights comb your skin
as if a temple.
this leaves me non-existent,
mere spectator in the shadows
outside the borders of the circle
of your spotlight.

i do not mind that i do not exist
within your holy radius.
if light i am to have then light
i will unleash upon you,
so that you will be more shining
for the stars to adore you more,
that they will delay days
to ogle you in longer nights.

my immortal, my goddess,
my angel, my love.
if it feels or appears i love you
less than the stars love you,
it could be because i am not
your raving kind of worshipper.
yet i worship you nonetheless,
in my own silent, secret ways.

2004.apr.21

sometimes

sometimes the worlds stand still to
heed you and only you.
your words shape worlds and some
men's universe
and maybe
you don't know that.

sometimes the lights all fall on
you and only you.
your thoughts take sound and flow
and melody and
someone dances to
this silent song you
wrote though you'd never know
you wrote it
and maybe
you'd never even hear it.

sometimes the dreams of men play
for you and only you.
and sometimes you'd be the
one to weave
them for them.
but you would never know that.

sometimes the literature of men write
of you and for you,
and only you.
sometimes you'd never know
that you brought them the
thoughts through something you
said or wrote or recited
or sang or
waved or smiled.
and most times
they would never know that.

sometimes all the worlds stand still,
just to stand still,
for you and only you.

2004.feb.26

glass rain

I will bleed for you
As I stand on the center of the earth
Waiting for all of heaven to dim.
For I am lonely again
Watch me with my arms wide open
Willing to let the storm in.

And I will suffer for you
As I chase drifting dreams this midnight
Drifting with them to distant shores.
And I am long lost
You see me torn and badly shaken
Inside the cradle of wrathful waves.

And I will let you leave me
Alive but empty in this forsaken place
Waiting for all of heaven to break.
And all angels weep
Shards of broken glass upon this field
Right into my undying body.

1999.dec

mercurial

thunder, i thought i heard you murmur,
as i was surfing over flame waves on the sun
the other day

these unsolicited reminders of days on earth
grapple at my heart and not too gently,
damn you

you dare have me remember colder days
when whisper and wind don't break my skin
(when i wished they would)

and i wish i would not hear you again
over the crackling of tides of flame,
i could be happy

not to know you like i used to
to have forgotten you
to know you forgot me

but you didn't
you can't
damn you

2007.jul.12

follow the red butterfly

it would be nice
if the nights
were a little tangible
when we destroy them.

a shard or a splinter,
a strand or a sliver,
would make a nice
keepsake.

need me again,
already.

half a moon away
our tryst waits
lurking
in the sunshine.

2007.oct.30

fragments

my morning,
is outside that window and golden skyline,
broken light melting unto the mountain peak;
and you are still asleep -
streams of dark hair flow over pillows,
and your lips smile slighty, and

you breathe.

and i fall for you, again,
i fall for you to fragments and i cannot breathe,
save if i breathe your scent;
i feel the night descend,
and even if the sun has breached our safety
memories of blessed darkness stir inside me.

let your eyes caress the daybreak,
my mirth lies in that i am part of your waking,
and if you touch me, i am real;
as real as daylight flooding our fortress,
as true as songs of this newborn sunlit world,
and lost in between your breath and

your touch.

and my morning is you,
my black soul knows the world of waking because of you,
you accept my darkness and embrace my nights;
and in between your sighs,
i fall for you to fragments that i could be your night,
i could be all the stars in your sky.

2005.mar.31

moogle song

We write our names in the light of stars
On the stones at midnight reflecting
the tranquil sadness of the moon,
And by the mouth of our caves
We dance to an audience of stars.

We cast our happiness down the hillside
Down darkness, the town of the sleeping
innocent and oblivious to the night,
And we sing our songs to the moon
As we move under the light of stars.

We sleep under the shelter of the stars
Out in the cool evening growing
silver blades out of the moon's face,
And we sleep with stones for pillows
We sleep with a warm blanket of stars.

We rise again in this endless night
To its endless applause lingering
with the gentle echoes like voices,
Of stars from a distance clapping
As we dance to an audience of stars.

2001.feb

sonnet zero

My thirst, boiled unquenched by water and blood,
Sought some bliss from my state of wanting you;
The slightest touch and the lightest kiss had
This unholy madness you did seduce.
Your eyes hungered, in flames of hell they danced,
As did my own reflection in your stare;
Your spell, it had me burning in a trance
-- scent of your body naked, filled my air.
My mind lost, unanchored and heavenbound,
Cried for admittance at the gates of sin;
In the stream of our juices then I drowned,
As the earth trembled and the angels blinked.
My body, one with yours and shivering
-- in bliss, and the midnight, it was steaming.

2003.may
*formerly titled as "The Challenge To Write An Erotic Shakespearean Sonnet Without Using The Words 'Love', 'Lust', 'Passion', 'Desire', and 'Monster', And Guile Must Have Forgotten 'Ecstasy'

cz

Decompressed, out of an oppressive sleep
She steps into my world, her dark eyes speak
Of gods and goddesses and a secret paradise,
And I fall for the angel with an elusive smile;

Coldness, must have a contract with her heart,
She never warms but her stare betrays a spark,
An ancient frozen flame begging to be rekindled,
A word away from burning the earth to cinders;

Relentless, I vow to run with you in your quest,
To find that smile in your dark soul's depths,
To find the ends of this world in an eternal ride,
And to die with the dark angel of the darkest eyes.

2005.may.06

a quiet wave farewell

I do not know if you wept when I left you,
You seemed to be sleeping through the rain.
If you cried tears then, I did not see them
Run across the wet road that led me away.

I do not know if you waved goodbye then,
You laid still in that early morning shower.
I blew a kiss your cheeks never caught,
Lost in the building storm of your slumber.

I do not know if you saw me wave goodbye,
My fingers strumming gently a silent harp.
I seemed not to rouse you from your dreams,
So this, my dearest: how we drifted apart.

I do not know if I wept then, as I left you,
In the end the rain swallowed me whole.
If I cried tears then, you will never see them
Stain these roads with pieces of my soul.

2001.jul.20

adhesive

blue skies
tasted foreign
in my mouth
the midday wind
blew me away

white clouds
flocked
to the south
the sun burned me
to life

and the lazy day
loved me back
and i wish i were adhesive
that i stayed a part of you
always,
always,
always,

2005.dec.20

unbound

the dampness clung to my lips,
an angel's kiss
on my way to the world.

her sweet and tender lips
breathed bliss,
i drew breath out of the morning air.

the softness of her hair resides,
black as night,
a soothing pain on my skin.

the time it caressed my cheek
it cut as deep
as the dark oceans in her eyes.

her touch unbound by time.
her kiss left no sign,
yet hollow she left my husk.

you stole my world.
you claimed my soul.
i drew breath out of your lingering scent.

2004.jul.08

naru of the morning wind

you started it with a kiss -
the dream-dust falls from my body
and i am naked to your bliss.
your taste melts in my mouth
and fades with the darkness.
i rise to your morning's youth
but sealed in my emptiness,
and lost from you;

my thoughts take form into you,
no waves from oceans can unsettle
this delta of my dreams of you.
you have been for so long
the face of mists of night,
the soul of seasons and their song,
the dream to take flight,
from my touch;

and you must end this with a kiss,
i beg for a piece of your smile
to rest a while upon my lips.
i must fade soon with the evening
to be gone for you for good.
i thought i could hear you sing
and if you ask me to i would,
fade with you.

2004.nov.30

under her hat

come through the black curtains, and her love
shall cradle you; shall care for you,
and you might taste the world for a moment
as you take her hand; as you feel her fingers
run through your hair and your life.

her tears are well-hidden and bittersweet,
and you might taste her dreams for a moment
as you return her kiss; fall to her embrace
and you might be forgotten afterward, save for
your fleeting taste in her once-in-a-blue-moon tear.

and her love shall slay your fears, and her love
shall shelter you; shall never let you go,
even as she tends to all her lovers in the world.

maybe you can lose her if you follow a certain light;
still her love shall never set you free, not that
you wanted to be freed, from that killer smile.

and there will always be the black curtains
in every one life you breathe through, and her love
the merciful darkness to warm you, in the ends,
with that killer smile.

2005.apr.13
*inpired by Death of The Endless

mondays are

mondays are
blue,
cold, and ordinary.
they hang
by their claws on the clouds
and their tails dip
on the ground,
and sleep all day.

mondays are
cool,
blue, and undying.
they scrape
their nails in the sky
and make thunder,
and lightning follows
soon,
afterward.

well.

mondays are
dull,
blue, and boring.
they plummet
with the raindrops
on gray days,
wet and grumpy
as Tuesdays.
mondays are
like that.

2003.may.20

the sequel to autumn

the moon is the sinner of sinners.
her light shameless and bared you to the eye,
her shadow disguised my hesitation and,
you were locked to my body as,
a vampire would bound its soul to,
the resilient temptation of blood.

your eyes' reflection recalled one broken,
ray of a sun long set.
a mirror of what could be real,
far more real than any piece of this dream,
but it did not matter as,
the golden leaves of your beloved's trees of,
the waking world had all fallen gray to,
the unsatiable hunger of the gravity,
of this earth.

so in a kiss that held a dream motionless,
a universe breathless,
i tasted your scent as my fingers crossed,
the spires and valleys of your being and,
our own reality fell into place,
into a breathing existence,
for a temporal love as ours,
for the eternity that crossed the,
ravines of merciful oblivion that bridged,
a sunset and a sunrise.

eternities end.
let not the poets have you dream otherwise,
some moments in your lifetime you,
might remember the mortal eternities we,
buried among the evanescent memories and,
unnamed reveries and ephemeral love.
know that, as you watched me fade,
from your touch as the moon faded, perhaps,
for shame of its sins and,
know that, as my eyes lost,
its borrowed light, my body transcended,
out of its borrowed shape and,
my voice silenced with its stolen music and,
know that, before you forget me for,
an eternity.

i was after all, merely the passing dream and,
you were my dreamer.

2005.feb.23

within

do not bring me sunlight in a glass, or breathe
a mouthful of rainbow in between
my lips, instead hook
my little finger with your little
finger and have us slip through
the slits of a crowd of curtains and out
of our castle, out
of its stale shadows, stumbling onto
the palm of night, into
its breathing shadows, and
i will be alive.

have your eyes feast with mine upon the naked
sky that knows no limit to
neither her size nor her shame, have
your bare feet romance as mine with
the shifting mists that hide treasures far
greater than pearls beneath the tide, far
lovelier than diamonds in the womb of far
mountains, far deadlier
than the sun, and
i will be alive.

if you do all this, i think i will love
you more, i will love more
the contrast of my pale fingers swimming
through the midnight of your hair, i
will cherish the contest of my pale
skin against the ivory of your skin, i
will fall for the way my little
finger hooks with your little
finger: gentle as a twilight's whisper, yet
tighter than any bond, closer
than any embrace, as pure
as the night of nights, and
i will be.

now, do not speak and do not dream, never
dream, not within this dream, and be
alive with me a little breath
longer: have your skin
remember with mine the long forgotten
taste of a dying night, have
your mind listen with mine to
the war song of an invading day, and
fade with me, die with me, fall
with me past a crowd of curtains onto
the waiting shadows, and
i will be

with nothing but the taste of
a mouthful of silence.

2007.jan.4

peorth

on a precipice
on a treasured dream
i stand

and read the horizon
for a semblance of you

this landscape blinds me
its silence devours me
and love

is an unseen wind
raking at my hair
rolling a soundless kiss
in my mouth

dancing around me
without a song
breathing at the embers
in my insides

and love
is an unseen wind

rolling past
without permission
taking her kisses
to other high places
of the earth

and love
i stand
on a precipice
on a treasured dream

i read the horizon
for a semblance of you

2007.feb.28

the girl from temple eternal

you asked me not to regret but i bleed that i have not listened
to you when you showed me clouds and lamented of concealed heavens.

instead i sang of skies never tarnished by clouds of gray and have
never seen wrath of rain other than few drizzle drops on a pond.

what is left to heed now but this faint echo of your voice rolling
and the harder i would try to listen the silence grows deeper.

i cut my soul that i could have listened true to the darkness you
told me of that was a blanket, underneath were beautiful things.

the fool in me sought gold that would warm my greed and lust and the fool
in me grew deaf and blind though in your arms and in your warm embrace.

you asked me not to regret but the paradise in your arms was
yours to sing of and not mine to dream of in my unworthy sleep.

2004.jul.14

miss trust

her mistrust lies among the poisoned roses
scattered at her feet
the thorns bleeding with her blood under
the weight of her body
but she is most gentle in death,
and in giving it. and in giving it,
she flaunts her gentleness
by laughing in my face

my shame lies among the slain flowers
mourning by her grave
the mud seeping like blood into her body
beneath the ground i stand upon
i am most fragile in death,
and in seeing it. and in seeing it,
i fling my fraility to, and
by hearing the laughter of the wind

and everybody's guilt lies on my dirty palm
stained by her ashes
the impure earth crumbling and eating
at the heart of the world.
everybody is most scared in death,
and in asking for it. and in asking for it,
we only wish to stop hearing
that insane laughter of the wind

2002.nov.25

cluster

the fairy tale i wrote you loses another chapter.
barehanded in this humid autumn morning i rake
solemnly at twigs and leaves hoping to find
a glimmer, a sheen, remnant of a word
that might remind me.

half naked in this humid autumn evening
my eyes comb the tamed fire on the hearth.
the words i gathered today timidly sleep on my lap,
one by one i put each in my mouth
trying to remember how each tasted,
when you were the ear that faithfully listened.

and i cannot extract a drop of any feeling
that resemble a memory.
and i cannot find a little piece of my soul
to sell to the devil for a little dream of you.
in the gentle and ruthless beaches of time,
my fairy tale of you is a tide
on its way to receding,
taking from me the days,
the clothes you wore,
the color of your eyes,
the shape of your lips,
your voice and the truths you said,
the lies i told you and each line falling
between the once upon a time and the ever after,
including, your name and how its sound
tasted in my mouth, and how it tasted
when you were the ear that faithfully listened.

2007.oct.26

tripping on constellations

the weather seldom matches her heart,
in her upside-down world.

she walks on fallen skies littered
with half-buried stars,
and almost trips on Vela,
while the tide lashes its salted tongues
in mock laughter, umvewihillion miles
above her head.

the moon has just gone, drowned
into the vaporous ground before her,
sunken and acting Atlantis to little things
scurrying over this ground-sky.

she ignores them, and proceeds
to brush off stardust from her plain
white nightgown, and waits for the sun.

but the sunrise is again, without
a grand entrance,
a disappointment...
a dead fish floating to the surface.

always inedible.


2005.dec.13

paper

i love you in a paper world
and i sing to you paper songs
and last night i dreamt of you
in paper gardens where paper birds
swoop over paper flowers
and paper stones but i was scared
for though you wore paper garments
you were flesh and blood and hair
when everything else was normal
everything else was paper

2005.may.25

i fell for you for one day

hello love;
i fell for you for one day.
i conquered this mountain and there was you:
alone; pristine; alone but pristine;
we were alone but above the world;

i thought you were a dream... love;
how else could i read your dreams
and they were my own?
how else could you hold me
and we were one?
yet out of our night i woke into your tranquility;
a tranquility i had lost within the shifting seasons
of turbulence in my heart.
i knew then that ours was something real;
a something that breached the confines
of my illusions;

i shall miss you, love;
i fell for you for one day.
it tears me that i could not give you more
or take from you more;
yet my soul is a vampire thirsting,
enslaved by blood of turbulence;
tainted; tainted and unworthy of you.
so i left you alone; alone and pristine here,
on this mountain the way a stone
rolls down a lonely hill:
solitary, subtle, swift,... silent
but for the occasional sigh of sorrow.

2004.aug.30

while my angel dreams

she unleashes, fragrant and warm
breeze from out
of her rose petal
lips.

almost, i can taste her
breeze,
so softly but like
little hurricanes
they storm about my mouth and down
my throat as if they so desire
to choke my own
breath out
of me.

my eyes close and they open
again.

her face a picture of
calmness as she sleeps,
her skin so smooth and so tender,
her lips the rose petal tomb
in where the storm rests for
a few
hours;

only to rock my soul again soon,
only to lock my own lips
again soon,
in her kiss:
a tempest out of her heavenly
rose petal
lips.

2000.jun.30

heaven must be up ahead and beneath her feet

further up the beanstalk i lose
the texture of your tombstone,
and soon i will no longer make
out its shape, and then the color
will be the last to go.

closer to the clouds it is colder,
i start to sense the concern
of vapor sprites, i must not
mind them.

my concern is to believe in this
overgrown vegetable i am vertically
conquering, to believe in fables
and tales of faerie folk and
grandfathers.

most of all, i have to believe in
somewhere at the end of this climb:
a city of dead humans, or heaven
to the gentler-hearted, where
supposedly you'd be, and waiting for
me.

2008.jan.08

your kind of water

what kind of rain
are you?
she asked me in
a time long forgotten,
in the academy of clouds.
her voice
was rolling thunder,
both soothing and
deliciously loud.

well i am a mere
drizzle to your storm,
i answered,
i couldn't
afford my own puddle,
i am unnoticed
in crowded days on
wet season boulevard,
and i always stay
inclouds
anyway.

and her laughter
was startling, got all
kind of people
jumping,
in the world
underneath us.

it must be nice to be
like that. she said. she smiled.
her translucent wind
tangled with my breeze,
and i knew bliss
in a way no rain
has ever
felt before.

she went her way,
thought i felt
a lightning spark
from her cloud as grey
as a fading night
caress me,
for a moment
ere it was
gone.

and her laughter
was echoing, in my
little cloud,
merely
a breath to her storm.

so what kind of rain
is she,
should someone
ask me;
she is the kind that
rains all day,
in every place where
you ever
blew.

2005.dec.15